Wednesday, September 28, 2011

Wow! 3 years already?!?

Dear Angelgirl,
   I have been avoiding this letter for a few days now. I didn't want to admit how I was feeling. You're birthday was absolutely beautiful. Aunt Glo and I went to the park. We took your things and went through them. It was fun to remember everything... where I bought certain things and to remember others who have thought of you along the way. She even made shirts and a cake. :) It was so cute. I love her so much. She has no idea what the day meant to me. I missed you but it wasn't as overwhelming as sometimes. Thanks for all the beautiful sunsets that you've been coloring for me. They've been so pretty to see.. It's kind of like you're coloring pictures for me but I can't put them on the refrigerator. I love them anyway though.

  Also, I want to tell you about someone I met. His name is Jamie. I actually knew him from school but we lost contact for awhile. He came to town a couple weeks ago and we reconnected and spent lots of time together. I think my feelings run a little deeper than they probably should but I can't help it. He made Grammy Mimi and Uncle Blake and Auntie Allie upset but he wasn't trying to. I love him Angelgirl. I can't help it. I wish I knew in high school that I would feel this way now. Who knows where we would be now... I've talked to him about this a few times but it doesn't seem to matter. Yet, for some reason I can't kick these feelings. He's in the Air Force and it complicates things but I think it would be worth it. These are things I can't tell just anyone though. People just don't get it. They don't want to see him the way I do. I think they're all too afraid to lose me again like they did with your daddy... but Jamie is different Angelgirl. He isn't like your daddy at all. Occasionally he says things that alot of people don't think are funny but he just has a different sense of humor. I get it most of the time and he's very receptive if I say something about how it isn't funny or that it hurts my feelings. He doesn't do it on purpose like Daddy did. Anyway Babygirl, I really love him and even if nothing ever comes of that then I will be forever grateful for the time I did have with him. <3

   Well, I should go Angelgirl. It's getting late but I didn't want to put off my letter to you anymore. I love you so much and miss you. Thanks for always being around when I need someone who will  just listen and not judge. I know you see things so clearly up there and I wish I could see things from your point of view sometimes. You know how everything will turn out. Can't wait to find out for myself.

We'll be together again someday Angelgirl.. but until then... The wings of Mommy's soul fly with you!

Kisses & Cuddles,