To My Angel

Dear Serenity,

    Oh momma is having a rough day today. I feel like everything is falling apart. I'm pretty sure that you already know that though. I'm pretty sure that you are with me while I go through this today. I can feel you. I just wish that it wasn't so hard. I guess my hormones are out of control once again.

Mommy misses you so much baby. I want to hold you in my arms and kiss you and cuddle you and love you just like all the mommas who have babies that are here on Earth. I joined several groups lately. We chat and help each other through the rough times. I appreciate their help so much! Thank you for helping me find them.

I finally decided on a memorial tattoo as well. :) I'm going to get 3 forget-me-not flowers...they are going to be different colors than normal forget me nots though... 1 will be Sapphire blue for you baby girl...1 will be Peridot green for daddy..and then mommy's will be Ruby red. Then I'm going to get our initials on a petal of each flower..yours will be on the blue one, mommy's will be on the red one, and daddy's will be on the green one. It's supposed to represent our family even if you and me are the only ones left of it. I hope you like that idea...

I have to be honest with you.. I still miss your daddy. I miss him so much. But things can't ever be the same. Would you please help me to let go? I know that you would want me to be happy. I'm trying so hard but with my emotions all crazy and so much stuff going on its hard. I wish things were different but I need to quit wasting my time wishing and just let go.

We get a new baby in our classroom tomorrow. Her name is Lanie. She's walking. So that will be different. I'm so excited to get to know her like I know the other kids in the classroom. I think it will be a lot of fun. :)

I also got back in touch with  my old friend. Her name is Sarah. She asked about you the other day. :) And she didn't even change her mind about wanting to know when I said it was a long story. I'm so happy to have good friends Serenity. I am also happy that you are up there and I know that you have good friends too. Sorry that I'm rambling so much tonight. I don't know what all to say. You probably think that this letter is silly. I'm sorry angel girl.. Mommy's heart just isn't in it tonight.. I'm not sure why. I'll be a better mommy and write another letter soon. Maybe it will be better. I love you always..and remember..the wings of my soul fly with you...

Kisses & Cuddles,
    Mommy