I don't know what's gotten into me. I'm missing you so much. I don't understand why I seem so weak lately. I just wish that I could go back to where I was. I love you so much but I was strong in the fact that you are with me even though I can't see you. My spirit and heart are crushed. I feel like I did that morning...I feel like it's all my fault. I feel like I should've done something else for you. I know that they said you had Sirenomelia but I just...I wanted you so much. I know that I am young and that God has promised me other kids and I am satisfied with that. I am satisfied with the time I had with you even if God never gives me anymore children. I would never trade that time with you for any reason...I wouldn't trade my time with you for everything the world can give me. God gave you to me for a seasonand I am so glad he did even if it didn't end the way I thought it would. Granny MiMi says that I was the perfect mommy still because you didn't see any of the bad things the world shows us...I love you guppie...You changed me. Mommy still has trouble with other people having babies...one of your aunts is pregnant. I won't mention which one right now but I think that's why you are on my mind so much lately. She's been asking me lots of questions and as happy as it is to remember the good things...it's sad to know that she is probably going to experience things I didn't with you. I've also been feeling really guilty for not looking at you. I sometimes wish I had. But I still remember seeing you the night before...you were perfect with your hiccups and your kicking...people probably think i'm silly since it was just an ultrasound...but you were perfect...you were my angel. I bet you're beautiful up there in Heaven with your angel wings...I miss you baby. I'll write again soon. Maybe it'll be a happier letter next time. I love you. Daddy loves you too.
*Kisses & Cuddles*
Mommy
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